blank mind!

...who the hell makes these sad songs..and fools like us..know that they are gonna hurt us..still we listen to them...and then do what? bingo! cry... cry..cryy...its a fool's job..and yes! i am a fool..a big fool..



everyday , every moment i live under a fear..now what...what happenned now? why the same thing again..deja vu they say..the day passes by like anything, not bothering me at all, but its the darkness of night that kills me..and when i try to fight this darkness, i end up loosing..loosing to my weakness.. am i sounding like a parasite? something which is dependent on others...
no..i am not..just that i think too much..



....my parents seem amazed because they cant figure out why i am smiling one moment and frowning the other..i am living under the fear of loosing something i never had and not even going to have.. haha..seems my posts are becoming darker and darker everytime like harry potter series.. oh darn! i hate these sad songs... time to grab some chocolate excess..

mystic calling........

been a year..duh-uh..it has actually been a year? rather more than that! ch ch ch..my blog has bcome like a project on bear i did and has gone into hibernation.. why does some one blog? to vent out her frustration..to share her toughts with some one.but i really did not have anything to share..yeaahh i have a personal life too and was hell lotta busy in that..all rosy rosy picture..like a fairytale..was happy in it..i am still happy with it..


but but butttttt...turn of events...never expected this to happen.. never thought it would hurt soo much..never thought that i would be able to tolerate soo mucch pain..and what more! i am game for more..sounds funny..but reality is usually funny... you seldom come scross a situation of oscillating emotions..smiling with tears in your eyes...ohh darn my keyboard got wet... but this pain is also enjoyable..atleast it reaffirms my faith in myself.. i am on a path which is dreadful..no end to it..no destination..nothing..but still i want to tread it..because it gives me happiness, be it for short while only.. this pleasure for a while is going to give me pain for a lifetime..a vicious circle i m geting into..knowingly.. but i want to get into it.. without any conditions..without any expectations..an un named arrangement which is dangerous and i know where its gonna end.. still i am taking up the challenge...dont know why! if anyone can answer..great help..even if cant..i will not budge... i love difficulties :)